I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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