You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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