so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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