she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
