I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
