Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
