I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
