I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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