Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
