I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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