you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
