U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize