I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
