Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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