you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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