I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
