anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
