i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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