Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
