Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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