ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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