You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
