Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
