I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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