I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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