she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
