Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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