btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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