how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize