My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
