If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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