ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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