I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
