$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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