we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
