I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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