I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
