In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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