Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
