Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
