i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
