In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
