I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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