Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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