every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she looked like the before picture.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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