I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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