shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
