Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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