you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need mimosas to revive my soul
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize