Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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