Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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