An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
