Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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