He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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