My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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