doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
