Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
