I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
