You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
