I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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