he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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