I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
