Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
