He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
