I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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