Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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