Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
